Jag by Stevie J. Cole
"My name's Jag Steele. I’m the lead singer and guitarist to the band Pandemic Sorrow and I have a drug problem – well, I mean it's not really a problem unless you count the fact that I almost made my heart explode from all the blow I shoved up my nose a few weeks back."
That was my introduction during my first stint in rehab. I'm a fuckup. If you ask anybody who I am there’s a list they will go down: Famous, rock star, legend, drug addict, womanizing man-whore… but if you asked me, I wouldn't have the first idea of what to say because I don’t know who Jag Steele is. Really, I’m living every other damn person's dream, and all I want is reality.
Roxy Slade, that girl was my reality. My brutally flawed and beautifully broken reality. And she fucking hated everything I stood for. To her I was just one of “those guys”, and she’d rather be buried alive with poisonous snakes than give someone like me a piece of toilet paper to wipe their ass with. Brutal - Life. Is. Brutal. And it is just a giant pain in the ass, which is why I chase after anything to make it numb, anything that can fill this void. I just want anything that can make me not feel.
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Just talking about those drugs had made my mouth water. Every fiber inside my body was twitching, thinking about how good it would feel to just get something in my system. My heart was banging against my chest with anger, with the need for something that would cut the pain of being sober right out of my life.
Forcing a smile so it would appear I really was proud, I said, “Six months.” I knew I was lying, I knew it had only been two weeks ago that I had gone through an eight ball of coke, and I had just drank myself into a stupor the night before, but other than those two times, I really had been sober – I think.
Brittney beamed, relieved that part of the interview was over with. “That’s awesome, Jag. You are such an inspiration. Addiction is a hard battle to win, and to see you doing it is wonderful. I’m sure many of your fans find strength hearing you say that.”
I hated hearing that. I despised that somehow, for some unknown fucking reason, people still looked up to me. No matter what mess I got into, people still wanted to be me. Liars like me shouldn’t be role models, but that’s what happens when you’re a celebrity – regardless of how worthy you are, you become an idol.
I was too weak for fame, but she didn’t care. She broke me, and I tried to let drugs mend me. While it numbed the pain and may have held the pieces together in a nice little package, I was deteriorating on the inside, and it was only a matter of time before it would all crumble to a pile of shit. In the beginning I’d thought fame was as close to being a mortal god as you could get, and in some ways I was right. The thing I had no idea about was my ability to handle this fucking double-edged sword. I like to think of fame as a metamorphosis. You get all wrapped up in it, almost like a cocoon, and the way I emerged from it was like that moth from Silence of the Lambs, with the stamp of death and destruction all over me. I had no idea how to handle fame, so, unfortunately, fame handled me.
“I am fucking selfish, princess. I'm a selfish, arrogant, self-consumed addict.”
★✩★✩★ 5- Completely and totally Effed up -Stars ★✩★✩★
~this review may contain minor spoilers~
I was diseased. My body was completely riddled, crippled, disintegrating because of this damn disease. Fame fucked me. Drugs fucked me. But above all else, I fucked myself.
Jag Steele was living out his rock-n-roll dreams, known everywhere by everyone, world famous with more money than he knew what to do with... he was also an addict. Drugs almost killed him, more than once, but he can't function without them~nor does he want to. He lives for his next hit and though he knows this is no way to live he has no desire to change it; he craves the numbness that comes with being high and nothing makes him want to give that up... til he meets her. Roxy Slade is the first person to make him actually feel for the fist time in a long time, too bad she wants nothing to do with him. She despises people like him and everything he stands for, so how can he make her see that she may just be his salvation?
She made life real, and I'd thought that's what I wanted. I'd thought that was what I needed, but I was fucking wrong. I didn't need a damn reality. I didn't need someone that could make me feel so stupid, so helpless, like more of a failure than I already was. All I needed was my cocaine and my fame.
This book was a holy hott mess; dirty, grungy, messy and foul~luckily for me, I Love that shit. I wouldn't really classify this as a romance, though there is a love story buried in there, this is more; one man's journey through addiction and everything that comes with it. That really is the base of it. Jag is an addict and this takes you through all that entails; the highs, the extreme lows, the enablers, the blackouts, the near-deaths, the numbness and indifference- Ms. Cole did not shy away from taking you down the rabbit hole with this one. It's messy and painful, but necessary to understand Jag; why he did the things he did, how he got where he was, and how much he had to lose before he decided that maybe it was time to change his life around. He was an incredibly damaged soul who was screaming for help but instead was surrounded by people who continued to let him spiral out of control... until Roxy. She was a damaged soul in her own right and as much as she knew she should avoid Jag at all costs, she also wanted to help him- even when she thought he was a lost cause. I wanted to beat the shit outta his manager, River was a friggin psycho, and his ex Stephanie took me by surprise; I did not see that coming. I would definitely recommend this book to everyone who likes their stories a little on the rough side; just as long as you know what your getting into. It's not an easy ride, but so incredibly worth it.
“I was all out of dreams to chase until I met you. You are my hope, my desire, and my reason to be a better person.”
Want to reach out to Jag???
I have been a fallen angel, a vampire, a confused twenty-something year old struggling through a crappy job, a jealous and deranged x-lover of a damned soul, and currently I'm an internationally sought after rock star with a slight addiction problem. All thanks to the characters I have written.
I enjoy the escape writing allows, and fully enjoy weaving a tale and creating crazy characters. When I'm not writing I am cuddling with my two sweet little girls and listening to my husband play his guitar (swoon). Some trivial fact about me would be: I love the color pink, I adore sloths, and I have a thing for British accents. My biggest fear is completely irrational, but I can't help it. The thought of the pending zombie apocalypse absolutely creeps me out.I honestly can not imagine a more horrifying way to be blotted out of existence than by the hand of a decaying, oozing corpse with festering gums and clicking teeth. Ugh. That just gave me chills.
I hope if you read my books you will enjoy them and will be sucked into the little world I have created with words. After all, writing is the most amazing magic trick in the universe because it allows the reader to crawl inside the mind of the author. If you really think about that ... it's kind of disturbing.